


Iridescent Beginnings

by nestine



Series: Kaleidoscope [1]
Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, bffs Jeno and Jaemin, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:00:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nestine/pseuds/nestine
Summary: It was definitely not love at first sight nor a love that blossomed from a one night stand. But it was, is an affection – love that budded from inadvertent varying circumstances. Jeno was, is, undeniably, illogically, irreversibly in love with his best friend.Jeno is hopelessly in love with his best friend. And he is sure, he won’t love anyone else as much as he loves Jaemin.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Kaleidoscope [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1682587
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	Iridescent Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm back after months of not posting any new fics! This fic is the first one of a 3-part series and this one is supposedly for a different pair (different group) but I've lost the will to finish the 3rd part with that pair and changed it to Jeno/Jaemin instead. 
> 
> I hope you like this story and tell what you think about it. Thank you!

A rendezvous of memories comes gushing all at once – his majestic smile and enthralling eyes along with his virulent refreshing laughter; Jaemin has always been Jeno's guilty pleasure. Jaemin is an addiction Jeno is not embarrassed to admit.

It was definitely not love at first sight nor a love that blossomed from a one night stand. But it was, is  _ an affection – love  _ that budded from inadvertent varying circumstances. Jeno was, is, undeniably, illogically, irreversibly in love with his best friend.

And a series of uncalculated decisions and unforeseeable scenarios lead to their story. And there are times Jeno looked back to the past in order to relieve moments of what could have been, what should have been - but in the end, at least, currently, Jeno is satisfied as to what they already have.

Jeno is hopelessly in love with his best friend. And he is sure, he won’t love anyone else as much as he loves Jaemin. 

🌈🌈🌈

**_May 4, 2019_ **

“The cheese tarts here are to die for. But you should queue up early or else Donghyuck will hoard all of them.” Words came pouring in a fluently well-versed English sentences, the only thing Jeno picked up was the word  _ Donghyuck  _ because it’s a Korean name, and of course, cheesecake but Jeno had no idea who Donghyuck was nor the guy who just spoke to him,  _ is he Donghyuck? _ and the same guy was already occupying the seat in front of him in the university cafeteria.

“I'm Na Jaemin” The guy whose face was a silhouette of perfection was making himself comfortable on the steel bench in the same table as Jeno’s “Having trouble on your first day? Or is this an easy breezy day?” The continuous flow of English sentences made Jeno dizzy – or maybe just because in front of him was a true beauty.  _ He wasn’t really quite sure. _

Jeno just moved to New York a month ago. His dad got relocated by his company and despite the fact that Jeno doesn’t really know the English language very well, he was miraculously accepted in a university in New York. He has an excellent school record, he excelled in other subjects such as math, science, and logic, but he had not mastered the English language and the only phrases he knew are the usual common greetings,  _ hello, goodbye and I love you _ , and some few words that can pass a basic conversation. So when this guy suddenly bombarded him with sentences after sentences, he could not help but stare at him in clear confusion.

It didn't take a long time for the speaker to comprehend the situation to Jeno’s delight. 

“You don't know English?” The speaker, surprised, asked again in English, and Jeno quite got it but he’s sported the same expression he had been having ever since the speaker started to engage in a conversation with him.

“Oh, sorry!” Jaemin finally said in Korean and Jeno’s eyes quickly lit up, heart hammering against his ribcage. “I am Na Jaemin,” He said clearly.  _ How lucky Jeno must be to meet someone who speaks Korean!  _

“You speak Korean!” Jeno exclaimed, too happy that he can be able to converse clearly with someone. 

“I am Korean!” Jaemin admitted, laughing. “But I was born and raised in LA that’s why I speak English too.” He tried to elaborate.

“This is so amazing! You’re amazing!” Jeno replied, a wide smile creeping on his face as he stretched out his hand, “I'm Lee Jeno.” He offered his hand along with the hope of the start of a lifelong friendship.

And although Jeno had hoped for an eternal brotherhood, he wasn't aware that it was the beginning of something far more than friendship encompassing of series of regrettable situations, unparalleled moments, and memories of a sudden uncontrollable outburst of feelings. At that certain moment, everything comprised of innocence and unwavering hopeful future and so Jeno didn't feel love at first sight but sometimes he wished he did.

🌈🌈🌈

_ **December 24, 2019** _

“You didn’t have to stay here with me,” Jeno got out of bed and was surprised to see Jaemin in the kitchen of their shared apartment. And although Jeno could barely talk because of the burning sensations he felt due to his tonsils, and the headache that was currently ripping his head out – he urged himself to start a conversation with Jaemin, wanting the latter to realize the mistake he did – the mistake of choosing to stay with Jeno.

Because Jaemin was supposed to be with his family in a fancy hotel. Donghyuck went back to Korea already at the start of winter break while Mark spent his break in Canada. Jaemin should have done the same. He could have spent a wonderful Christmas with his family, not taking care of a sick person.

But Jaemin just ignored Jeno. Walking into the dining area, Jeno noticed the table had been set. There’s a chocolate cake, a double order of _kimbap_ from Jeno’s favorite Korean restaurant. Jeno moved further to where Jaemin was and realized he was currently preparing a _samgyetang._

__

“You should be with your family.” Jeno insisted because he knew he was right. So he wants to convince Jaemin to leave him, “You have plenty of time left, if you leave now, you’ll make it to the hotel before 11 pm.” Jeno insisted and who would blame him – he was currently in a lot of pain coupled with grueling guilt.  _ Jaemin should be with his family. Jaemin should be enjoying Christmas.  _

__

Jaemin deserved better, and not to be stuck in a lousy apartment with a sick, ungrateful brat.

“And what?” Jaemin finally relented “leave you here alone?” He stood his ground.

“But it’s Christmas.” Jeno fought back. “You should be with your family. They even flew here in New York just to be with you. Just go to their hotel, Jaemin.”

Jaemin heaved a deep sigh and shook his head in clear disappointment but when Jaemin spoke again, the words struck Jeno's soul and he melted.

“But you’re my family too, Jeno.”

🌈🌈🌈

**_April 23, 2020_ **

“So?” Jeno flashed his brightest smile the moment he arrived at the apartment. He had been waiting for this day, of course, it’s his birthday. But apart from that, what made him really look forward to this day was knowing Jaemin must have prepared something for him. He tried to bribe Jisung to tell him, coaxed Donghyuck into revealing Jaemin’s plan but both of his friends told him the same thing.  _ Jaemin didn’t mention anything. _

But Jeno knew Jaemin had always been the best when it comes to surprises. He planned them carefully, tenaciously – the details always so intricate and delicate.

Jeno remembered when they threw a welcoming party for Jisung, the youngest of their little friend group fought hard not to cry but ended up bawling all throughout the night - Jaemin planned the party all with decorations, gifts, and even cooked a feast. Jeno recalled the day Donghyuck took home the first place in Fencing during their Sports-Athletic Tournament, Jaemin found a way to record Donghyuck's parents' congratulatory speech. And during Mark's birthday, Jaemin had managed to buy tickets to a sold-out concert of Mark’s favorite band.

And Jeno was expecting just like that. Because it’s Jaemin. So despite Jeno’s org mates insisting they grab a bite because it's his birthday, Jeno refused and went home straight ahead. Because Jaemin was there. 

"What do you need?” Jaemin replied, somewhat irritated. And Jeno was taken aback, not expecting Jaemin to be like this. 

“Jeno, is it not obvious that I'm busy?”

Instead of a surprise, Jeno was given a hasty reply. He blinked a couple of times trying to assess the situation,  _ is it really happening? Why is Jaemin being mean? Did he? He didn't right? He didn't forget it's my birthday today, right?  _

“If you don't have anything important to say, just leave me alone for a bit because I'm busy and I don't need any distractions.”

Jeno had no reply to that and instead, he nodded and silently muttered his apologies as he quietly walked towards his bedroom. It was the greatest surprise of his entire existence – never did he expect to witness Jaemin in a foul mood. They had their fights – a couple of arguments just like normal friends do but the Jaemin he just witnessed was a different one.

Jeno’s mind was occupied with the thoughts of Jaemin being angry with him. _Did Jeno do something to annoy Jaemin?_ Jeno stayed in his room, trying to think if he did something wrong and even ways on how to make Jaemin not angry at him anymore that he didn't even realize it's only a few minutes before 12 midnight. 

Suddenly, Jeno heard his phone buzz. He didn't have any energy or even the mood to pick it up but forced himself to do so. 

_ Come to the living room.  _ It was a text message from Jaemin. 

A little bit hesitant, Jeno gathered his courage and opened his bedroom door only to be welcomed by pitch-black darkness.

“Jaemin?”

_ Happy Birthday to you~ Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you~~~ _

And a light came from a single candle.

“Happy birthday, my dear Jeno.” Jaemin greeted, a cake in both hands, as he made his way towards Jeno.

A lot of emotions came rushing in. Jeno can’t even get the right words out of his chest. Too overwhelming. Too beautiful. Jeno's heart was hurting. This was probably the happiest Jeno had ever been on his birthday.

“Are you crying?” Jaemin said in a panic as he rushed to switch on the lights and placed the cake on the table.

“I'm not crying.” Jeno choked but he's on the verge of tears.

“Well you should!” Jaemin snickered. “You thought I totally forgot about your birthday. But I didn’t, I waited for the perfect moment.”

Jeno could not believe what was happening. It was surreal – various emotions came rushing all at once but the overflowing happiness he felt inside cannot be explained by any words or be expressed with any song. He was almost at the brink of tears but he tried to hold it in so Jeno diverted their conversation.

“And you didn’t give me any presents?” Jeno demanded.

“I already gave you one, idiot.” Jaemin started laughing, the laugh Jeno loved the most.

“What? Where? I don’t see it.” Jeno walked around the house, pretending to look for the present but he stopped when Jaemin spoke.

“Of course you won’t see it.”

Jeno rolled his eyes, “What the hell, Jaemin!”

Jaemin just continued to laugh.

“Seriously, what did you give me?”

And almost like a fantasy, Jaemin smiled and took Jeno's breath away.

“My heart.”

🌈🌈🌈

**_November 23, 2020_ **

“You like Donghyuck.”

Out of the blue.  _ Not even a hi nor hello. _ Jaemin suddenly attacked him with a baseless statement. Jeno, startled, spilled the water he was drinking all over his shirt.

Jeno's mouth hung agape and for a moment he felt something shuddered its way up to his body and he could not help but be awed for the ridiculousness of the claim.

“What the hell, Jaemin?” Jeno accused, eyes squinted, trying to grab a tissue from the coffee table. He’s confused as to why Jaemin suddenly asked him this question. And Donghyuck? Really? 

“Jeno, it's okay to like someone. You do not have to hide it from me.” Jaemin told him and it was as if Jaemin had already made up his mind and was extremely positive about his claim “I'm your best friend” He said, “You shouldn’t hide things like this from me.”

Jeno was not saying anything because he was speechless. How could Jaemin even end up with this conclusion? Where did the idea even come from?

But what made Jeno even more dumbstruck was when Jaemin doubted their friendship.

“Am I? Am I your best friend?” Jaemin added and the doubtfulness painted on Jaemin’s face struck an incredible unexplainable pain in Jeno’s chest.

Jeno couldn't believe any of these is happening. He clearly understood what Jaemin had meant. He briefly asked himself on what insane reason could possibly prompt Jaemin to ever doubt their friendship. It was true that they have only been friends for over a year but Jeno was sure he was keen on showing how he continually treasured what friendship they already established.

“For Christ's sake, Jaemin, I don't like Donghyuck” Jeno argued, the palpable irritation evident on him “and what made you doubt our friendship?” He retorted, and honestly, he felt betrayed - saddened by the fact Jaemin had mistrusted their relationship. They met only a year ago but the bond they've developed - the memories they created together were enough recognition of a solid friendship. Jaemin should have never ever doubted it.

Jaemin stayed silent right after and Jeno highly guessed his best friend was formulating a reply. A few moments after, Jaemin walked up to Jeno, poked him a few times on his back, and murmured his apologies.

“I’m sorry. Of course, you’re my best friend.” 

Instead of saying anything else, Jeno deemed it the best to just envelop his best friend in an embrace. It was more satisfying that way. 

At most times, Jeno experienced difficulties distinguishing gestures of blatant friendship from actions that can be accustomed to stepping out of the boundaries of friendship.

And sometimes, Jeno found it hard to differentiate friendship from something unexplainably difficult to comprehend.

🌈🌈🌈

**_August 13, 2023_ **

“I'm not good with words but you're the best thing that ever happened to me.” It was obvious that Jaemin was fighting hard to hold back the tears while focusing on the speech he was currently reciting. Everyone's drunk – having consumed alcohol more than their limit but no one cared even though they could barely move or think straight.

“Thank you so much for always being there,” Jaemin continued and this time, a tear fell from his right eye and from then on, the words coming from his mouth were muffled by cries and hiccups. He was a sobbing mess but Jaemin being intoxicated meant he was telling the truth. The celebration of Jaemin's birthday turned out to be a blast with a lot of his friends from the university who went and celebrated it with him.

“You are – you are the ideal person for me, you know that” He continued to spill out the truth, “I'm just – god damn it – I'm happy to have met you, Mr. Lee”

🌈🌈🌈

** _October 7, 2028_ **

“Remember the time Jaemin confessed to Jeno?” Donghyuck relived the memory as if it happened yesterday. It was the first time after their graduation that they have been together – in complete attendance. Jeno had been missing a lot of meet-ups, gatherings, and reunions. But this time, Jaemin personally went to Jeno's apartment to make sure he attended. Jaemin said he misses him and Jeno has always been so weak for Jaemin.

Everyone laughed for they too had witnessed drunk Jaemin letting out all his feelings.

“But Jeno was too drunk to even remember that moment from happening,” Jisung chimed in, adding bits and pieces to the hilarious story they loved the most to bring up whenever they had the chance.

Jaemin was laughing uncontrollably, left hand covering his mouth, his eyes were still ever so beautiful as they were since Jeno had first seen them.

“Those were the good times” Jaemin finally claimed after he calmed down from all the laughter. “Right?” He nudged his partner in crime as he flashed a gentle smile to the guy sitting beside him.

“Yes,” Jeno replied. “Good times,” he repeated.

Jeno silently wished he could return back in time to prevent Jaemin from confessing because it started the pathway to a problem until now, Jeno is currently having.

🌈🌈🌈

**_May 6, 2020_ **

“Why did you approach me on that day?” Jeno had asked while they were currently lying on the sand - eyes fixated on the wonders of the stars above them. Donghyuck decided it was fun for all of them to hit the beach before a new school year start. And to commemorate Jisung being a college student. 

“You look cute,” Jaemin replied without even batting an eyelash. It was straightforward - not even a hint of hesitation. But Jeno highly doubted it.

A year of being friends with Jaemin was a roller-coaster ride and was enough to know almost all about Jaemin. It happened too fast but unhurriedly at the same time. The fateful day he met Jaemin marked the beginning of their friendship, the next thing Jeno knew he was looking for an apartment near the university together with Jaemin.

He had met Donghyuck, Jaemin’s childhood friend who also grew up in LA. Mark, who came from Canada. And everything fell exactly where they should be - the things worked up perfectly and Jeno was experiencing the best days of his youth.

Jaemin seemed like a maze but Jeno with his eagerness to know every possible way in or out had successfully uncovered his best friend.

“You’re doubting me.” Jaemin squinted his eyes in accusation.

“Yes, I am,” Jeno replied, unabashed.

“But it’s true,” Jaemin replied, “I thought you were cute so I talked to you, but I didn't expect you didn't know English.” He elaborated. “You got accepted at a university in New York!”

“And I was hoping you were a knight in shining armor who noticed my helplessness!” Jeno half-joked but still thankful and was sure he would forever be thankful for the day he met Jaemin.

“I’m still a knight in shining armor, though.” Jaemin smiled, “And you’re the helpless prince I will always be glad to save - over and over again.”

And Jeno didn’t know how much he would hold onto the words Jaemin claimed. Because Jaemin stayed true to his words - countlessly saving Jeno - pulling him out of gut-wrenching scenarios and turning them into heart-warming memories.

But sometimes Jeno wished Jaemin didn’t have to utter such a promise because, at times, the prince didn't need to be saved - there are times, the prince needed to step up for himself. And the knight in shining armor was supposed to help the helpless - not necessarily the prince himself.

🌈🌈🌈

**_October 10, 2020_ **

“I've missed you!”

The past week had been stressful with Jeno doubling his efforts to pass his major subject as well as trying to work overtime at the bookstore. He had to keep his mind off of some things that were pestering him causing his inability to think straight – to decipher fiction from fact because that was what he needed the most – to separate reality from his fantasy.

So when he felt an arm draped over his body, and the ever-familiar voice filled out the room – the emptiness that had lingered for a month had suddenly vanished. But the embrace burned and before Jeno could even compose a reaction – the warmness had vanished  _ – just like that. _

“You look thinner,” Jaemin scolded as he gathered the scattered things he dropped on the floor when he rushed to greet Jeno.

Jeno turned around and he saw his best friend looking handsome as ever -  _ more than ever _ . Jaemin had been away for a month – attending an exchange program in France along with Donghyuck and Mark.

Finals week was hell and as much as Jeno had tried to focus on his literature essay due in an hour, he could not help but strangely feel excessive happiness – the past month without Jaemin had been hell – had been the longest month of desperation and grief. 

To see Jaemin in the flesh, and not in uploaded photos on Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat, moved Jeno to a strange exhilaration. His heart had been beating out of order and as his body swayed in a tempo he had not realized he was dancing into – next thing he knew, he was wrapping his arms around Jaemin – tightly, protectively.

“You don’t know how much I’ve missed you,” he confessed. “Please don’t be away from me that long,” he continued, “again.”

Jeno felt Jaemin stiffened just momentarily but immediately relaxed right after, Jaemin might just be surprised because Jeno rarely initiates skinship. It took a while before he let go and as soon as he did, Jaemin started teasing him again.

“Did you fall in love with me or something?”

Jeno had hoped he knew back then what to say because it could have traversed into a different scenario in the present but Jeno was too young – confused and scared. If he only knew how to determine the disparity of reality from fantasy, he could have had replied better.

“You wish,” Jeno claimed as he slightly punched Jaemin on his shoulders.

🌈🌈🌈

**_January 24, 2021_ **

“What the hell happened to you?” Jaemin greeted. And Jeno was quick to jump out of the sofa.

“And I’ve missed you too!” Jeno replied while attempting to embrace his best friend. It felt surreal to finally see Jaemin standing in front of him. The grueling winter vacation, the month-long break seemed longer than it actually was. But not a day did he miss calling Jaemin on skype – even during the countdown for New Year’s Eve. He knew those weren't enough but the calls - simple text messages from Jaemin during the times they were away from each other were enough to fuel Jeno's body to function.

But it was a surprise, Jaemin was reluctant to the hug and instead violently ruffled his newly dyed hair, “What did you do to your hair?” 

Jeno cocked his head to the right and looked at Jaemin with confusion. “What? Doesn’t it look nice?” Jeno was sure the blonde hair suited him. Everyone he knew complimented him, even the baristas at the cafe he always visited. 

“Actually, it is nice. You look extremely good, I’m actually appalled,” Jaemin threw his hands in the air, while he walked past Jeno and proceeded to his bedroom, “Now, you will definitely double your admirers.”

“And I don't want that.”

🌈🌈🌈🌈

**_July 22, 2021_ **

“Jeno, I need you.” Jaemin breathed into the phone and Jeno heard suppressed sobs. Jeno panicked, Jaemin was never the one to show his weakness. He never once saw Jaemin cry no matter how stressed out he may seem.

“Jaemin, what happened?” Jeno shouted through the phone, he was currently in Vermont attending a school associated camp – a final requirement for his course.

“I – I “ Jaemin started crying and the words were muffled by his tears but Jeno heard him clearly, “I didn’t get in,” he said.

And Jeno’s heart broke for he knew how desperate Jaemin had tried to get into the internship in London. He worked hard – offered sleepless nights and even dropping some units so he could focus on making the perfect portfolio. Everyone thought Jaemin would be chosen because of his background and school standing so it was an utter surprise to hear he didn’t get in.

“I'm sorry,” Jaemin said after, “You should – I know you're busy. I'll call again tomorrow.”

“Jaemin wai---” But the line went dead.

There's not a trace of hesitation when Jeno packed his bags and forced himself out of camp and took the plane from Vermont to New York. Jeno disregarded the repercussions, even the impending sanctions from his professor for missing the camp – or the failed evaluation he might get from suddenly disappearing with notice. All Jeno could think of was he needed to be there for Jaemin.

After 4 hours, Jeno went straight ahead to their shared apartment.

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin was beyond surprised, “Aren’t you in camp--?”

“Because you need me,” Jeno replied and wasted no time as he held Jaemin in his arms.

“I'll always be with you whenever you need me.”

🌈🌈🌈

__

__

** _November 24, 2020_ **

It was not akin to a scene in a movie or an act in a theatrical release of a play - it didn't happen overnight nor because of an excessive gesture or the so-called  _ one big exceptional moment _ , but it consisted of various little moments - unmeasurable laughter, unforeseen moments and one liter of tears before Jeno realized he had fallen in love with his best friend, Jaemin.

And when he did realize that every stomach ache he encountered whenever Jaemin flashed his bright eye-blinding smile or the sudden convulsion his heart underwent during the times Jaemin offered selective skinship only to him, or when he felt awful over Jaemin’s unnecessary closeness to anyone but Jeno, or those moments when all he could think about was Jaemin’s lips and how soft it felt when it accidentally touched his own for the first time- Jeno had nowhere to go but face the impending doom of loving someone he can’t have.

“Hey, Jeno!” Jaemin waved at him, a take-out bag from Jeno’s favorite Korean restaurant on one hand.

Jeno stayed glued on his spot, his heart grippingly forcing its way to leap in a violent manner.

Jeno was, is, powerlessly in love with his best friend.

And he didn’t know what to do.

🌈🌈🌈

**_October 27, 2019_ **

It happened swiftly – unplanned, unexpected.

The aftermath was predestined to be awkward but Jaemin was hysterically laughing uninterrupted. Jeno, on the other hand, immobilized on his spot while a lot of things took a whirlwind ride on his mind. He’d have to end Donghyuck’s life for this was his entire fault – if he didn’t push Jaemin then – then – then,  _ god damn it, Lee Donghyuck _ . What would Mark think? The younger ones saw it too. But Jaemin was completely okay with it.

“You taste like vanilla ice cream” Jaemin claimed.

Jeno’s heart hammered against his chest.

It was his first.

He never had one before.

Jaemin is his first kiss.

🌈🌈🌈

**_November 25, 2021_ **

“Do you like someone?” Jaemin asked over dinner. The two of them decided to stay at their shared apartment during the Thanksgiving holiday. Jeno chose to stay at the apartment because Jaemin didn’t want to fly back to LA. And Jeno didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving alone. 

Jeno forced a faint quivering smile, not really sure about what to respond. They promised not to lie with each other but answering Jaemin’s question would lead to several unwanted possibilities - and endless queries Jeno could not able to answer just yet.

“No,” He chose to lie.

“Hmmm,” Jaemin replied and sighed.

Jeno shivered, “Do you? Do you like someone?”

Jaemin looked straight into his eyes. “I’m not sure.” He said and after a while, Jeno could hear his own heart beating crazily as Jaemin let the words flow into the air.

“But yeah, I guess I do like someone.”

🌈🌈🌈

**_August 28, 2026_ **

It was definitely not love at first sight nor a love that blossomed from a one night stand. But it was,  _ is an affection – love  _ that budded from inadvertent varying circumstances. Jeno was, is, undeniably, illogically, irreversibly in love with his best friend, Jaemin,  _ still. _

And as he witnessed how the love of his life had agreed to spend his lifetime with a man  _ not him _ , he felt his heart constrict in varying levels of pain he could not imagine he could feel. And Jeno's brain was filled with unnecessary moments of regrets. His mind was dazed and wandering in a mist of memories of what could have been – what should have been.

He knew right at this moment that he could not possibly turn it the other way around even if he currently had the courage to tell Jaemin how much he loved, loves him – of how much he had tried to suppress his feelings but as Jeno looked into Jaemin's eyes – he could see the happiness they contained as they shined – shimmered because of another person – entirely not Jeno.

Those glimmers were once for Jeno but over time – they vanished and replaced by a whole different light – a greater, more powerful glimmer caused by someone else.

Jeno could think of tons of memories, he would always – always blame his inability to step up for himself. He could have, would have, should have prevented this day from happening and he could only blame himself as the scenes of that particular moment dwell on his mind.

“Yes” Jaemin, with noticeably tears in his eyes, had replied to a question Jeno wanted to say but someone else had already done it.

“Yes, Mark, I will marry you."

🌈🌈🌈

_ **F** **e bruary 26, 2024** _

“Mark said he is in love with me,” Jaemin said one afternoon while they were in the middle of reviewing for their Communications Development 2, the last exam for the final leg of their university life. It was a desperate call and Jeno realized it. Jaemin's intent stare made Jeno crumble into pieces so he looked away, hand gripping the pen tightly.

“Does he make you happy?” Jeno replied after a while, and he fought hard not to make it obvious that his hands were trembling. The statement wasn't really a surprise per se – it was like a ticking time bomb for quite a while – and Jeno was just hoping – praying it would not be too soon. And as he asked the question, he knew Jaemin understood that it was not just a mere inquiry but a deeper message lingered in the air,  _ more than me? _

“Jeno, Mark said he is in love with me,” Jaemin uttered, once again, a desperate call as if Jaemin was waiting for Jeno to argue with him, to pull him back – to prevent him from making the decision.

“Jaemin,” Jeno replied, still not meeting Jaemin's eyes because he felt that he could no longer prevent himself. Jeno was a coward, was the stupidest person in the entire planet. He had loved Jaemin too much that it hurt him to see Jaemin unhappy and he knew someone else more deserving than him can make Jaemin live in bliss and not in oblivion.

“I need to review.”

Just this moment, Jeno longed to travel back in time and reverse all the unplanned decisions he chose. Because maybe, just because maybe, this moment would have not happened. And he would have not said his most bullshit reply.

And instead of a confirmation, Jeno heard a more heartbreaking reply.

Jaemin nodded silently but with finality – no words were needed as Jeno already got his reply when Jaemin left him at the library.

And Jeno knew back then, he lost to a fight he never engaged in – but wished he had joined. And as Jaemin slowly walked away, Jeno had the urge to pull him back – but he didn't.

🌧️🌧️🌧️

“I love you.”

_ Unheard, unuttered. _

“You will always have my heart”

_ The words Jeno wanted to say but never did. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Did you expect the ending? I swear, this is a 3-part fic for a reason. The second part is Jaemin's POV. And I'll post it soon! Tell me what you think about this fic! 
> 
> I'm @nominangst on twitter! <3


End file.
